My mother often told me and my siblings that we were pieces of her heart.
She said when we were away from home, she was at lost and longed for these pieces of her heart came home.
I used to hate my mom saying so.
It was too big an expectation for me to be.
I had to something for someone before I could figure what I wanted to be for myself.
When we were home, half of her was preoccupied by the prospects that these pieces would be gone again.
There was guilt as well for leaving.
I felt torn.
For a long time, it was like I could choose either to be a piece of her heart or myself.
One felt suffocating; one, ashamed.
I guarded my heart.
I could take no more between failing expectations and shame.
God forbit that I let any part of my heart wondering around the world alone.
Yet, how could we not love in this human life?
Trapezing between the nature of give my heart away and the need to guard my heart,
I couldn’t love fully.
I couldn’t feel love fully.
I couldn’t trust love fully.
I couldn’t nurture love fully.
There began the game of get-and-lose.
A game of fear and hurt.
I used to argue with Mom, “We are all grown, you should go do whatever you said you couldn’t do since you had us.”
She would rebuff, “You don’t have your own children. You don’t understand what it’s like being a mother.”
She never realized that she still a whole heart beating in her chest, waiting for her love.
The whole heart beating in our chest.
This is how I take it now.
Every person and thing I’ve ever loved, may any of them wonders the world outside of my chest,
they are the fruit of my whole heart.
Each one of them is a beautiful addition to the heart I have beating right here right now in my chest.
Each one of them carries seed of my heart and I carry theirs.
By living my heaven on earth, I am seeding their heart and they, mine.
I am seeding Mom’s heart as well.
All of them are my heritage and my lineage of life.
A whole heart and more.
Be love and be loved.
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➡️ Repost if your heart is felt and loved by this.
➡️ Would you like to live from a whole heart of Love.