I was at Kate Northrup‘s workshop on Money Relationship for the second time.
I’ve been continuously working on my own relationship with money and how I let this relationship impact rest of the relationships in my life. As you may already know me, when I want to get something, I work with the best in the game. She is by far the best Money coach (not mindset) I’ve ever met.
But, this is not a letter to talk you into signing up for anything.
This is a letter to share with you one of my once most hidden and subconscious self-sabotaging game I played with myself.
(and how it might matter FOR you.)
In both workshops, Kate shared a story from a couple’s therapy session with her husband.
At that time, she was under immense pressure to bring in large sum of money both for the family and for her company. She was physically, mentally, emotionally exhausted and bitter. (It’s her story so I won’t go into details here.)
Their therapist asked her to imagine her husband one day coming home bringing in $10M with him, which was more than enough to solve their financial problem at that time.
The she was asked her how she felt in that vision.
Sitting on this side of the screen, I expected that she’d say she felt over-joyed.
But no.
She felt dead inside.
That moment revealed something crucial:
She didn’t know who she would be without the stress.
She needed the urgency. The role of the one saving the world.
Without it, she didn’t feel alive.
In coaching, I’ve had clients come to me with massive dreams and goals.
They were terrified – not of failing.
But of succeeding.
I guided them through visualizing the moment their dreams come true.
Do you know what they ALL felt?
No joy.
No excitement.
No pride.
No celebration.
It’s not that they feared not reaching the goal.
They feared how they’d feel when they actually did.
Isn’t that wild?
With a new expansion goal in mind for my business this year, I was more anxious than excited.
(Yes, I missed goals before. But that never felt like a good reason to aim smaller.)
Every decision came with an internal dialogue,
“What if this is the one thing in my life, I couldn’t pull it off.”
“Are you sure this is the right thing to do?”
“You are just terrible at it”
And then, my coach said something that hit like a truth-bomb,
“Are you really bad at creating clients OR are you afraid of someone actually saying yes?”
There. Boom!
I was afraid of what comes next – of what I would need to carry, feel, become or even to be responsible for after getting yes.
When I hit my “highest dream” in 2018 – career and financial success – I expected to reach the holy grail state of calm, rest, whole, deeply-loved and certainty.
Instead, what came was… emptiness…
The moment I’ve geared for since my late-teens year – THE BIG achievement – felt disorienting and disturbing.
Yes, I quickly grabbed hold of myself and understood what I was going through (thank to 10-year of self-work).
Now, as I birth a new lifestyle and relaunch this path again, sometimes when I visualize the full blossom of my coaching practice,
I feel a tightening in my throat. A sharp jab in my chest. I shrink from it.
Many of the times I didn’t act boldly, didn’t use my voice fully, didn’t call in support –
They weren’t about fear of failure.
They were fear of my own success.
So, I want to leave you with this.
➡️ Check in with yourself again.
You have a goal or a dream that feels to wild and crazy to say out loud.
You’ve poured time, energy, money and more in it.
But…
It moves so slow.
You feel not breaking through.
You are doubting. Maybe even despairing.
Visualize the day when all comes together – You, the place, the people, the emotions.
What comes up for you?
➡️ Whatever comes up – breathe.
You are ok. You are in good hands.
I’d love to know – did this land for you?
Share with me.
Be love and be loved,
Shuang-Min
P.S. something lands, a knowing, a question, or just a quiet “I think it’s time”…
I invite you to book a free Love. Discovery call with me.
🔥🔥[Schedule a Love. Discovery Call]
Let’s explore what’s really behind your stuckness, your fear, your longing –
and what your next-level success could actually feel like, in full alignment with who you truly are.