Are you more of a Yes (wo)men or No (wo)men?
I am not just talking about the times when another person asks you for something.
I am talking about IN GENERAL.
Like, very general, including..
to your own needs.
to your own desires.
to your own life.
to your loved ones.
to your emotions.
to money. (It may surprise you. In all the sea and millions of courses of money creation and financial management, a lot of us have issues receiving money.)
As I shared my practice of saying no (read here), I thought I need to do “yes” the justice as well.
I was a solid “NO woman”. I would say no even when I really wanted was to say yes.
Saying No was my way of protecting myself.
I said no to playing jumping rope with my classmates because I wasn’t as good as other girls and I didn’t want to embarrass myself (not when I was the top of the class in grades!)
I said no to do a gift exchanging gathering simply because I was afraid of not knowing what gift to get.
I said no to a dance from a guy I really liked.
I said no to another dance to another guy when I really wanted to learn.
I said no by being always worried something would go wrong to a man who once adored me.
I said no to a friend’s suggestion when it could have helped at the early stage of my depression.
I said no my parents’ love a million times simply because it was not the way I wanted.
I said no to speaking my heart and I ended up staying in a toxic relationship longer than needed.
I said no to be the class leader in school.
(Wait, now I see how by saying no I gave myself a harder time than necessary when it comes to romantic relationship! hmmm…)
The tendency of saying no also compromise my ability to express my true feeling and desire.
Boiling down the appearance of NOs,
I was just a terrified girl and young lady –
Terrified of embarrassing myself because I took others’ opinions and judgements as the measurement of who I was and how much I was worth.
Terrified of not matching up expectations and requirement so that I would lose love.
Terrified of showing my weakness so that again, I would be judged as worthless.
I used “NOs” to build a wall and locked myself in it with shame and regrets.
As you can imagine, it was a painful place to be.
When that friend who suggested me a help I could get but received a no, he subtly but strongly recommend me the movie “Yes Man” by Jim Carrey.
Of course, I said no.
Until I ran out of energy to neither say no or yes,
I gave it a try.
(If you never watched this movie, do say yes and give it a chance.)
I was blown way.
I didn’t know it could be so liberating to not let my judging mind and mental programing run the show and just follow the heart.
Without any plan, this movie happened in between the journey of my healing from depression. It became a catalyst.
I wanted to live and breath and be able to say yes. I wanted to experience the surprise life had in for me if I say yes.
I saw through it for a couple of years, I always said yes whenever there was a tickle in my heart no matter how scare of whatever I was.
It so happened that those years I threw myself in a foreign land, starting without knowing the language nor anyone.
The capacity (yes, not ability) to say yes brought me friends, admissions to parties, support to navigate a foreign culture and immigration process and well, falling out with a friend when I didn’t feel right in that relationship anymore.
Oh and let’s not forget, I said Yes to moving to China, which was the last choice I would have had made and I was kind of ashamed of this yes for the first 2 years,
And yet, it was one of the best decisions I’ve made for not just my career but my life as a whole.
If the heart and energy need “No” to rest and recharge, they need “YES” to dance and breathe.
So, where are you at at this stage in your life?
🌿 What do you need to say Yes to to open up new doors and windows altogether for your vision, freedom, success and love in life?
Will you say Yes?
🌀 Let me know: What’s one Yes that changed your life?
Be love and be loved,
Shuang-Min
🍭 P.S. I get it. As a high-achiever, you’ve had so much and so many on your plate, any more yes to tip the delicate balance of this pile makes you want to scream (and k🪄ll!!).
So in the next one, I will share “the balance act of yes and no” in the next one. Make sure you subscribe to the Love. Letter.
🍭 P.P.S. Do you know someone who needs a Yes boost? Forward & Share this as your way of support to them.
🍭 P.P.P.S. ✨ If something in you stirred while reading this – If you’re realizing it’s time to start saying Yes to yourself in a deeper, more powerful way –
Then I invite you to 💌 Say Yes to your becoming: [Book a free Love. Discovery Call]
Together, we’ll explore what’s ready to shift, what your heart is whispering (or maybe screaming) and what your next aligned Yes looks like.
Hi, I am Shuang-Min.
